Almost there but not quite

I reached a milestone today. Not only did I complete 12 miles, just 1.1 less than the distance of the complete half marathon, but I also handed in my recommitment papers. What this means is, I committed to raising the additional $824 needed to reach my overall goal of $2400. If I don’t raise it, I will be personally responsible for the remaining amount. Had I not recommitted, I would not have been able to run the race in October. I agonized for hours over the decision to recommit. I never realized how difficult the fundraising portion of this journey was going to be, nor how time-consuming and humbling. Our coaches warned us of the physical walls we would hit, but not the emotional ones. And by the way, I hit one of those physical walls today at about mile 8 when my legs started to cramp. But I pushed through it and the final 4 miles were somewhat surreal, as if my body was running on someone else’s legs. As much as we have been preparing physically, I never imagined how difficult a decision it would be to commit to raising the money. Yesterday I almost decided to back out. The burden of having to come up with an additional $824 was too much and we are under too much financial pressure right now to be able to donate it all ourselves. Ultimately though, I felt like I had come too far, worked too hard to give up. There is no shame in having raised $1576 but I committed to this and I wanted to finish it. I have several teammates who are blood cancer survivors. If they can fight cancer and survive chemo and come back and train for a marathon, then I can go the extra mile (no pun intended) it is going to take to come up with this money. Amazingly, it was Leila, my 6-year old daughter, who gave me full clarity on the decision. As I was agonizing and deliberating, visibly upset, she asked me what was wrong. I told her that mommy needed to make a difficult decision, explaining that part of the reason I was running all the time was to raise money so that some people who are very sick could get better but that it was a lot of money so mommy felt scared. She replied, plain and simple, “you should do it mommy. You should help the sick people”. So there you have it. I’ve recommitted and come rain or shine, there will be $2400 in my account by October 11th when I have to run this race.

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